I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
40s are totally the cure
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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