College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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