yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
FUCK WHALES
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
