tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Houston, we have a blender
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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