In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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