I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
