Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize