I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
