I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
