The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
