I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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