You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
