dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
