i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
