i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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