we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
