I showed him my bush... on skype.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
