Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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