did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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