Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
