I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
