theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
