I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
