I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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