I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
