I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
