Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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