know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
