im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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