I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What drink are we having for lunch?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
