Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
