id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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