I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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