i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
