got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
