Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You pole danced in your parka.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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