I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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