I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have fence marks all over my body
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
