think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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