I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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