I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
