I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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