If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
