I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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