I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
