3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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