A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
