Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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