you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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