Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
