do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
