theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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