Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
