im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
