Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
