I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
