Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
