just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
