doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
