I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
