Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's rum buckets o'clock
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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