when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
