I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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