I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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