I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
