after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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