Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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