R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just pee around me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
