What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
