you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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