weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she woke up with a sticky ear
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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