I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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