ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
