he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
